Day 180: A Letter To My Former Self…tardy to the party I know!
So yeah, I’ve been busy this week with the start of online summer school and my MIL being in town and swimming lessons beginning. So I was tardy to the party in seeing the “A Letter To My Former Self” thingy that Raising Madison put together. I’m hoping it’s better late than never! Oh, and I know most people wrote various vignettes to themselves at different ages, but I’ve decided that 15 is a great year where I could have used lots of words of wisdom.
Dear “Metta” at age 15,
Things have been rough for you lately. Your brother just had a break down and you’re not speaking to him. It is a usual 15 year old reaction, you know where you shut down and feel your life is a big wasteland, so that is understandable. But what you don’t know now is that it will take you a whole year to start to let him back into your life. During this time you will feel that those around you don’t give a crap about your well being. That they are more focused on your older brother and not on you. Know this, though. Mom did try to reach out to you. She will tell you this later on in life, but you had your blinders on and were unwilling to see it. I mean that time when you sat in a chair at your grandparent’s house, staring into oblivion, ignoring your mom and grandma try to get through to you, especially about the fact that you were not eating much, that was them caring and wanting to help. But yeah, you are 15 and don’t see much beyond your own scope of things. You will get through this, though you can’t see it now. And you will become stronger because of it.
Friends are starting to come and go right now. It’s hard for you b/c you really just want to find that one person who’s not related to you that you can confide in. But now, you can’t trust anyone with your deepest and darkest secrets. You will soon be presented with a writing assignment in Engish class and that piece of paper will be what you confide in. Know that this piece of paper will help you to fully realize how powerful you find the written word to be…where writing is therapy. And once you start writing, you won’t ever want to stop. So yeah, try to be open with this piece of paper b/c the way you are keeping things in, all tied up in knots in your stomach, is no good.
Around now, as well, you are starting to delve into the depths of figuring out who you are. This is the time you start to experiment with your own identity as a result. You try on various styles and have seemed to settle into the Seattle grunge scene in the midst of hot and humid sunny South Florida. (Oh the irony of this you will realize once you graduate college!) You are starting to hide from others with this facade. You wear a mask, if you will. Again, you are 15 and this is what adolescence is all about. But just try your best to be true to yourself.
And of course b/c you are 15, you are starting to deal with body image issues, though you think you are the only one dealing with this. However, this is something just about every human being struggles with. It would be great if you could start to take off those blinders and open up to others so you can see that no, you are not the only one. As your 30 year-old self writing this to you, know that in 15 years you will find yourself with a new little being looking up to you…looking to you for guidance, and I hope that these hard times you are going through right now, can help you to teach this little one to accept herself for who she is and not what society tells her she should be. Share these stories. Let her know how you felt. Honesty is what can help her understand and get a sense of clarity.
Overall, though right now you feel like your world is caving in…that your world is the worst it could possibly get…know that you will have more trials to go through. You will get stronger with each one and with age, your blinders…your built up wall…will start to come down. Just take time to process it all. With time can come clarity…the same type of clarity you will one day get to teach a new special someone who will think the world of you…who will love you unconditionally…who will need truth and honesty from you in order to grow to be a self confident woman herself.
Sincerely,
“Metta” 15 years later
4 Comments to “Day 180: A Letter To My Former Self…tardy to the party I know!”
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This was a great post. Why oh why did we not understand? It’s amazing to me how oblivious we were at that age. How frustrating… But hindsight is 20/20. Thanks for sharing!
This was fantastic. I also missed the original hop and I may have to do it tomorrow!
Oh I remember being that shut down 15 year old girl too and I hope that I can teach Madison to not go down that road.
Great letter
Ohh… 15. I remember that age. Trying to figure things out. thinking I was so smart, and so “mature”, not wanting to be a kid, but not knowing who I really was yet.
I loved your letter.