Day 192: Still Got my McFatty Body and I’m Stuffing it in a Bathing Suit!
I’m super honored that “Blair” allowed me to guest host McFatty Monday today. It’s been a while since I participated with going back to work and all, but with summer in full swing, I’m ready to get back on this train, especially since I’ve had a lot of body image things on the brain.
It all started with me signing Abigail up for swim lessons. And well, that meant that I had to get in the pool with her. In public.
I put a call out to all my blog followers, asking for some help for this curvy shorty as to how to proceed in the buying of a suit. Hands down the consensus was Lands End and tankini. I decided that shelling out a bit more money on a suit that I would feel comfortable in would be the way to go. And I also thought that if I went with some sort of pattern, all those bumps and rolls could be hidden a bit more. Two tops and three bottoms later (I ordered them all at once and just returned what I didn’t like…they probably hate it when people do that) here it is…I can’t believe I’m about to do this…a picture of me in the suit…for the internet to see…with a smile on my face…
(NOTE: I did use picnik.com to crop them, lighten the exposure so you could see me better, and make it have rounded corners. I did not edit these any further. And now that I think about it, these were taken before I showered as who goes to a super duper chlorine filled pool after taking a shower…not me!)
Hi, my name is “metta.” I’m 5’1″. I weigh 166lbs. I have a double chin. I have cellulite. And you know what, for the first effing time in my life, I’m owning it!
I mean, when I got preggers, at the first appointment at 7weeks, I weighed in at 177. It was the heaviest I had ever been in my entire life. (NOTE: I’ve always been overweight curvy.) When I delivered Abigail, I weighed 211. I’ve lost 45lbs in 8 months 5.5 months. I stopped losing when I went back to work in April. I would like to personally thank my boobs and Jillian Michaels for making this happen.
But now, here it is…the side shot…
Yep. I still look pregnant. In fact, I looked like that before I got pregnant. I think my gut protrudes a little bit more. And look, I still have that smile!
And now the view of the junk in my trunk…
Why yes, that is back fat spilling over the top. And yes, that is a safety pin holding my straps together b/c after you nurse a baby for 7 months, things sag and you need a little bit more support.
If you only you knew what a huge step this is for me. I mean when I was a teenager, I stopped wearing shorts b/c I hated my knees and my cellulite thighs. I never wore a bathing suit in public. Well, I guess there was the summer as a CIT (counselor in training at a summer camp) when I was placed at the pool, and I purchased long board shorts to wear over the suit. But then, I wasn’t nearly as heavy as I am now. There was also swimming late night at friends’ homes and impromptu jumps into the ocean as I did grow up in S. Florida. But me…I jumped in fully clothed. (Have you ever tried to get sopping wet jeans off? Yeah, that was pretty dumb.)
As an adult, I still harbored these feelings of never being fully happy in my own skin. There was the time I did quit smoking cigarettes and started obsessively working out and counting calories. But once that phase was over, I turned back to food. In a year I gained all the weight back and then some.
But now as a mother to a little girl of my own, I know I need to work through all these body image issues…hence the posting of these shots above. I don’t want Abby to go through what I did. I want her to grow up seeing the confidence I have in myself at any shape and size.
I remember that when I hit puberty…when I started taking notice of how I looked in comparison to other girls, I was not happy. I was jealous. Now I know that teenage girls will be teenage girls. I mean I teach them so I know no matter what shape or size, they still struggle with self-esteem issues. I just want to arm my little girl with a full arsenal of positive defense mechanisms to talk herself down off the ledge of self loathing.
Let me just say, though, that I’m not perfect. I still harbor thoughts of not liking how I look. I mean those pictures above, I took them myself using the timer on the camera, but my mom can attest to the fact that I usually ask people to take several shots of me before deciding I like how I look in one. But I’m going to work on it. I’m going to remember that this is how I look and not hide from the cameras anymore.
This work will focus more on trying to be healthier…trying to watch the portions…trying to eat more fruits and veggies…trying to be more active…but never denying myself things I enjoy b/c all I’ve ever learned over obsessively eating healthy, is that when it’s all said and done, I just binge, gain it all back and then some, and that’s never a good thing to do. I’m going to try. I’m not perfect. I mean I am a busy working momma and honestly don’t know how “Blair” finds the time to squeeze in a bit of exercise every once in a while as since I’ve been back to work I’ve exercised a total of zero times.
So as I participate every Monday try to participate as much as I can in this McFatty adventure from here on out, I will focus on being OK with my body, even if I don’t have any successes in losing weight. I mean I do want to lose a bit more, but I don’t have a magic wand to all of a sudden make my life flow seamlessly in which I have time to cook healthy meals every day and have time to work out three days one day a week.
Well, I know “Blair” always has questions for you with her closing, so here are mine:
How are you working through body image issues? What do you do when you find yourself on your own ledges of self loathing? How do you want to help your little ones, boys and girls, love themselves no matter what?
And make sure to leave a comment with a link to your McFatty Monday post. I will try my best to get to all of yours before the week is over. PROMISE!
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EDIT: If you want to keep reading more of my rantings, I’m guest blogging today over at Spilled Milk, where I talk about balance, or really the lack there of as a working momma. Check it out here!
27 Comments to “Day 192: Still Got my McFatty Body and I’m Stuffing it in a Bathing Suit!”
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When I’m really feeling down, I check out this webpage – http://www.operationbeautiful.com – it always perks me up! That, and a nice long walk, or a romp with the husband, always makes me feel better/sexier. And both count as exercise…bonus!
http://lifelessseriously.wordpress.com/2010/07/12/dont-eat-that/
I am so glad you are owning it. I think you look great,and if you focus on being healthy, you’re going to be where you want in no time. Keep up the great work!
Thanks for this post! It really encouraged me!
I just had a baby 5 months ago and I’m 5’2 and I weigh 165. I want so badly to get this weight off because I just feel horrible about myself!
Keep up the great work!! I don’t have the saggy boob problem…I have the NO boob problem
It sucks! Here’s a post I did a couple of weeks ago.
http://toriebartee.wordpress.com/2010/07/01/losing-it-with-torie/
You are spot on. I feel the same way (not having ever really liked how I look) and now I cannot even stand the thought of seeing myself in any photo – much less one in the evil spandex.
You look great! I am so happy you are doing this today and as a fellow curvy girl I high five you
You can come see my confession of sorts today too…
http://www.ajdplusthree.com/2010/07/it-is-all-in-footwork-people.html
Keep up the great work…you’re doing awesome!!!
http://goobergrapemonkeyman.blogspot.com
Cute suit! I also recently started swimming lessons with my baby. I had a breakthrough moment this weekend at the pool – I was sitting there waiting for class to start and I thought about how I could care less what anyone else there thought! Normally I would be wondering if anyone else was noticing how horrible I looked, but all I thought about was my son and how happy I was to be there with him. At the same time I want to be healthy for him and set a good example, but the motivation is entirely different now.
http://andpuppydogstales.blogspot.com/2010/07/mcfatty-monday-week-8_12.html
You look beautiful & this is SO ENCOURAGING.
Thank you so much for posting this – it was just what I needed this week. I need to arm myself with a self-confidence & as the mother of a boy, I feel a need to teach him to appreciate “real” women – women with stretchmarks, lumps, bumps & not airbrushed models. I want him to appreciate what a woman’s body can do other than viewing it strictly as a sex symbol on a poster. & I know that starts with ME appreciating my body for what it is & what it can do.
I think you look fab!! what a great post. As I lose more weight, it’s becoming easier to accept that I will never be super skinny. I’ll try my best to be toned, but I no longer feel like I have to be a supermodel to feel great about myself. Great post!! Here’s mine: http://thsoapscumavenger.blogspot.com/2010/07/mcfatty-monday-disney-edition.html
Good for you, girl! And I think your suit is super cute! =)
http://www.thewriterchic.com/2010/07/30-x-30-week-one.html
Well, I think you look beautiful! (and not all at pregnant…seriously). I think we all judge ourselves a little too harshly. You are beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me, while on vacation at the beach thought I looked decent in my swimwear until I saw pictures of myself and nearly had a meltdown. Several glasses of wine later, I vowed to never wear that swimsuit again. But…..you know what? My body is what it is because I did the coolest thing ever….carried a baby. I just need to embrace it (sagginess and all).
[hopefully this doesn't duplicate - dang internet crapped out on me!]
i like your goals of just trying. i TRY. so i don’t beat myself up too much if i don’t eat vegetables or don’t get out for a walk.
can you take a walk around your building at work? i try that when i can on my lunch break. makes me feel like i’ve moved around a little at least.
http://talesfromthepoobox.wordpress.com/2010/07/12/learning-to-let-go-of-the-ice-cube/
You look great! Way to go on the weight loss..and way to keep it up.
http://matahouse.blogspot.com/2010/07/mcfatty-mondayweek-27.html
You look great. Keep up the good work and hold your head high! ::waves to Blair:: You looked great too Blair. You both are brave girls posting Bathing suit pics and I’m very proud of you!
http://spawnofsmith.blogspot.com/2010/07/mcfatty-monday-finally-little-progress.html
Seriously, Metta, you are gorgeous. And I’m not just saying that either; as a fellow 5’1″ curvy lady, you are OWNING your body and giving me a bit more encouragement to own my body as well.
You’re beautiful, my dear
GREAT post and you look fantabulous!
Here’s my post for the week:
http://arewethereyet81.blogspot.com/2010/07/mcfatty-monday-body-image-getting-back.html
I think you look great! How fun to have stumbled on this post today — because today is my 30th birthday!
I have 2-year old twin boys, and although I don’t have the same worries about transferring body image issues to my daughter, I do worry about creating expectations in my boys or to them buying into the American stereotypes — that girls should look a certain way, that women should be flawless, that a woman who isn’t a size 2 is “FAT”, etc. (I don’t even know if that makes sense to anyone but me!)
What an inspiring post!! I just had my baby girl 7 weeks ago and have been trying to lose that baby weight. I’m weighing myself once every two weeks and weigh in is on Wednesday…oooh boy.
ALSO, I love the colors of your blog. I’m on the wait list to have mine redone and I chose this same design kit!
I think you look georgous….we are moms we grew humans….we have a right to be a bit curvier:)
YAY YOU! You look wonderful and kudos for owning your body and being proud!!! I need to follow your lead and be proud of myself, too… just as I am. Even as I work to be healthier… and hopefully a bit smaller!
YAY YOU! You look wonderful and kudos for owning your body and being proud!!! I need to follow your lead and be proud of myself, too… just as I am. Even as I work to be healthier… and hopefully a bit smaller!
You asked for it … you got it! GO YOU!! You got me to McFatty my blog .. ok, you and my doctor this morning!
Good luck to everyone …
http://jm4lfclvr.blogspot.com/2010/07/mcstuff-i-wish-wasnt-issue-mondays.html
I’m not just saying this, you look great in that swimsuit!
“I usually ask people to take several shots of me before deciding I like how I look in one”
This quote hit home because I have done this for years and still do. It’s a habit I fear I’ll never break
You look wonderful!
This is an issue I struggle with all the time; I am worried I will transfer my body image issues to my daughter. I am trying to look at my body in terms of what it can do (grow a person, run, tote around my 20 pound baby and 30 pound toddler at the same time, etc.) instead of how it looks. That’s well and good until I see a picture or try to squeeze into something that used to fit, and all sorts of self-hatred comes crashing around me. It’s a daily struggle
Thank you for an honest post and the courage to post pictures of yourself in a bathing suit!
I just stumbled upon your blog and your post totally describes me! I was the heaviest-weight-I-ever-was when I got pregnant, and I haven’t lost much at all since having the baby (my sister kept ‘forgetting to eat’, but I somehow didn’t have that issue…)
I have a similar build to you, be it I’m 5’4″, but I have quite a few more pounds. I think I’ll definitely check out Lands End, your suit looks great on you!
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